Discordians Are Insane

I stumbled across this ridiculous set of required activities that Discordians are forced to perform as initiation before they can become full-fledged 'legionnaires' of the "Legion Of Dynamic Discordians", or "L.D.D." if you prefer. It really is just further proof that the people who decide to become Discordian are more than slightly off from the norm -- to put it nicely.



Some of these stupid activities may seem innocuous enough [showering in your clothes is only utterly moronic, after all, not really dangerous], but they are really just hidden booby traps waiting for unsuspecting dupes [don't forget that the Discordians rever the 'Sacred Bull' as holy, after all] to try these actions out in a desperate attempt to belong to some clique, no matter how blatantly ridiculous - I mean, just look at the one that asks a person to use jumper cables to connect the two sides of train-track together - good luck, buddy! Nice way to become a 'fried egg'! Not to mention condoning breaking into people's homes, graffiting trees, and making swings hang from innocent trees which will now probably break.

These kinds of sites are littered all over the internet where any unsuspecting fool could run across them.

"Sacred" Bull?

This is one of the most appalling Discordian items I have had the grand misfortune of stumbling across yet - and that is saying a lot, believe you me.

It actually tries to make a case for lying being an admirable act - you see, people? This is the kind of stuff I'm trying to get through to you all - these Discordians are under-handed nefarious types who love to promote lying, cheating, stealing, vandalizing, graffiting, fascism, and sexual deviancy . . . It is a tract purported to be written by someone named "Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar", a self-professed "Sexual Deviant", although to be honest I have only been able to track this person down to a MySpace page, and some memberships at various Discordian internet bulletin boards. It is most likely a pseudonym for one of the better-known Discordian pimps, but the identity is hardly the issue; the content is the true problem. But, let me just let the work speak for itself . . . if you can read this on a full stomach without becoming queasy, then you are made of stronger stuff than me . . .



by: Sexual Deviant and Beloved Ex-Dictator: Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar

As Enrico step off tuna boat onto fine American soil he was immediately molest by strange man in rumpled suit with crazed eyes. Normally this would not bother Enrico, on contrary, he advertise for it . . . but this man was not interest in Enrico's crotch at all, he was only interest in talk talk religion and philosophy.

He ask Enrico: "Do you believe there is such thing as true religion?" Enrico snort and repy "Isn't pornography religion in this country?"

He told Enrico that it was not, which saddened Enrico for few moments; it was after all why Enrico had come to this country in first place. Immediately his vision of become a pope of porn melt away . . . he would have to find other way to get people to accept his 'host', he realize.

He was only sad for moment, of course, because Enrico rarely has much to do persuading, being virile testicle squid he is.
The man pulled medallion from under his shirt and waved it before Enrico's eyes. Enrico, in turn pull seventeen medallions from under his shirt and waved them around too, thinking 'what strange customs these beautiful f*ggots have', but was distracted from his inner monologue by man saying "This is call Sacred Cow."

"Sacred Cow?" Enrico ask, then add: "In Enrico's homeland that is Beatrice Arthur."

"No no," the man said. "Cow! See Ayche Aye Oh. Cow. It the singular version of Chaos."

"Chaos." repeate Enrico.

"Yes," man said. "Chaos is natural state of universe. Aspects of chaos are order and disorder. Both are natural, so do not shun disorder as false, is true too."

"You speak bullsh*t," Enrico laughed. "Enrico like that."

"This is not bullsh*t. This is truth that will set you free."

"No." said Enrico. "Is bullsh*t. But, bullsh*t is important."

The man's eyes wide in amazement. "Bullsh*t? Important? Is why?"

Enrico was surprise that concept of Bull hadn't been taught to this man. What else was going to be different in this country?
"Bullsh*t is very important." Enrico told man. "Bullsh*t should be spread far and wide. Always spread bullsh*t wherever you go."

"Why?" ask man.

"Is simple. If you speak to someone and tell them truth you have made them think nothing, is true?"

"No, they think about what you say."

"How many peoples do you know?" Enrico asked. "Most peoples, they are not all the way right in the head. Most peoples accept your information like a baby goat accepts your root. If you give them bullsh*t, though, the person will later find out about it, become angry, but then they will need to go look up informations themselves. They will need to use their own head gravy, instead of relying on other peoples to do their thinking for them . . . in this way bullshit is very very important. So spread bullshIt everywhere, my fine friendly f*ggot."

Enrico was about to leave when man call out to him: "But what if they never find out information is bullsh*t?"

Enrico turn back to the man. He shrug. "F*ck em. If they are that stupid, they deserve to stay that way."

And that is how Enrico taught the silly Discordian about Sacred Bull.

* * * * *

Chilling.

[Profanity edited by me]