no, i am NOT a discordian in disguise: this forum is an ignored warning to the world: some day, though it is not my wish, i will be forced to say I TOLD YOU SO!

Monday, June 4, 2007

"Sacred" Bull?

This is one of the most appalling Discordian items I have had the grand misfortune of stumbling across yet - and that is saying a lot, believe you me.

It actually tries to make a case for lying being an admirable act - you see, people? This is the kind of stuff I'm trying to get through to you all - these Discordians are under-handed nefarious types who love to promote lying, cheating, stealing, vandalizing, graffiting, fascism, and sexual deviancy . . . It is a tract purported to be written by someone named "Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar", a self-professed "Sexual Deviant", although to be honest I have only been able to track this person down to a MySpace page, and some memberships at various Discordian internet bulletin boards. It is most likely a pseudonym for one of the better-known Discordian pimps, but the identity is hardly the issue; the content is the true problem. But, let me just let the work speak for itself . . . if you can read this on a full stomach without becoming queasy, then you are made of stronger stuff than me . . .

by: Sexual Deviant and Beloved Ex-Dictator: Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar

As Enrico step off tuna boat onto fine American soil he was immediately molest by strange man in rumpled suit with crazed eyes. Normally this would not bother Enrico, on contrary, he advertise for it . . . but this man was not interest in Enrico's crotch at all, he was only interest in talk talk religion and philosophy.

He ask Enrico: "Do you believe there is such thing as true religion?" Enrico snort and repy "Isn't pornography religion in this country?"

He told Enrico that it was not, which saddened Enrico for few moments; it was after all why Enrico had come to this country in first place. Immediately his vision of become a pope of porn melt away . . . he would have to find other way to get people to accept his 'host', he realize.

He was only sad for moment, of course, because Enrico rarely has much to do persuading, being virile testicle squid he is.
The man pulled medallion from under his shirt and waved it before Enrico's eyes. Enrico, in turn pull seventeen medallions from under his shirt and waved them around too, thinking 'what strange customs these beautiful f*ggots have', but was distracted from his inner monologue by man saying "This is call Sacred Cow."

"Sacred Cow?" Enrico ask, then add: "In Enrico's homeland that is Beatrice Arthur."

"No no," the man said. "Cow! See Ayche Aye Oh. Cow. It the singular version of Chaos."

"Chaos." repeate Enrico.

"Yes," man said. "Chaos is natural state of universe. Aspects of chaos are order and disorder. Both are natural, so do not shun disorder as false, is true too."

"You speak bullsh*t," Enrico laughed. "Enrico like that."

"This is not bullsh*t. This is truth that will set you free."

"No." said Enrico. "Is bullsh*t. But, bullsh*t is important."

The man's eyes wide in amazement. "Bullsh*t? Important? Is why?"

Enrico was surprise that concept of Bull hadn't been taught to this man. What else was going to be different in this country?
"Bullsh*t is very important." Enrico told man. "Bullsh*t should be spread far and wide. Always spread bullsh*t wherever you go."

"Why?" ask man.

"Is simple. If you speak to someone and tell them truth you have made them think nothing, is true?"

"No, they think about what you say."

"How many peoples do you know?" Enrico asked. "Most peoples, they are not all the way right in the head. Most peoples accept your information like a baby goat accepts your root. If you give them bullsh*t, though, the person will later find out about it, become angry, but then they will need to go look up informations themselves. They will need to use their own head gravy, instead of relying on other peoples to do their thinking for them . . . in this way bullshit is very very important. So spread bullshIt everywhere, my fine friendly f*ggot."

Enrico was about to leave when man call out to him: "But what if they never find out information is bullsh*t?"

Enrico turn back to the man. He shrug. "F*ck em. If they are that stupid, they deserve to stay that way."

And that is how Enrico taught the silly Discordian about Sacred Bull.

* * * * *


[Profanity edited by me]


David Hume said...

A few hundred years ago, some European philosophers pointed out to everyone that religion is bullshit.

Now, the only people who behave themselves properly are the ones who think they'll go to Hell if they don't.

Numinous Ubiquity said...

This is actually a very enlightening parable that teaches us all the importance of bullshit. I cannot believe you do not get that message, Central Scrutinizer. Perhaps you think that anything that is pro-bullshit is bullshit. But maybe if you show people a lot of OBVIOUS bullshit, it can help people to recognize bullshit in general, and then they can learn to spot bullshit a mile a way. Your real agenda is that you don't want people to be able to spot bullshit, because secretly you know, deep inside, that your own beliefs are pretty much bullshit, and so are the beliefs of most other people. If people started thinking for themselves, the whole world would fall apart! So, it is best to keep people from being able to tell if something is really the truth or if it is bullshit. That way, they can relax in the safety of their own delusions just like you do.

Saint Fnordius said...

The Holey Cow is wholly Chao?

There are no correct answers.

Anonymous said...

Do you even know what the Chao looks like C.S?

Central Scrutinizer said...


Central Scrutinizer said...

Also, I am certain Beatrice Arthur is aghast that her good name has been draqgged into this nonsense.

She is in her twilight years, and it is monstrous to degrade her good name by linking it with a pedophile wannabe dictator.